The Question is..

What do you do when feel like the world is on top of you, like your'e pressured into following all these guidelines and expectations. As if you have to follow all these rules that other people seem to make. And if you were to brake them, you'd be thought of badly. Recognised for stepping over that line into other territory. See, that's where some of go wrong, we get so caught up in this world of expectations and requirments that sometimes we forget who we really are.. But sometimes we have to remember who we are - to be happy. Otherwise, you could end up living by other people's opinions, living a lie and forgetting what really matters. And the only thing that should matter in these circumstances, is your happiness. Because without it, your life could turn sad and miserable, and that will become the stage of forgetting who you really are. Sometimes, you have to do the things that make you happy, even if it does make people's tounge's wag, because you'd be happy at the end of it. Wouldn't you?

That Mother's Instinct..

Every mother is said to have an instinct. The one that can sense fear, joy, troubleness, love.. I also believe women also have an instinct to when they believe themselves to be ready to become a mother.  I won't lie. These last couple of weeks I've felt more broody than ever. And it's not because a lot of my past close school friends are mothers already or expecting - like it's an evergrowing fashion statement, it's because I feel like i have all this love and need inside me bursting to come out when a child isn't even real yet. It's become an everyday, occuring thought. One that makes me want to finish university and to start my life. To become the mother I want to be. To become a good enough mum like mine has been to me and my brothers and sister. One my child/children can be proud to call their Mum. ( not mother I hate it, thats the word i like to tease mine with when im angry with her). So they know I will always be there for them. One that will make sure they're provided for and can will have a  good upbringing. I want to be the mother that they know loves them more than anything and would die for. Over and over again. My mum has been the best there can be. And i am forever thankful to her for bringing me into the world and to be loved, and to love others. I'm also thankful for her bringing my brothers and sister into the world after me. Without any of them, I'd be nothing.

hmmm..

I can't exactly explain how I'm feeling right now. Everything seems to be clouded by something else. Pain disguised by a front, unhappiness being confused with happiness. It all seems weird and you can't seem to figure anything out. Or sort anything. So you keep on trying to brave it all but it's still there. Everyday it's hidden but making itself known slightly. So you have to try and battle things and you have to be the bigger one to take the step. But question is when it's done, how does it leave you feeling. Unhappy - unhappier, hurt, relieved its been suggested? .. noone knows, only time can dictate.

Sometimes...

Sometimes things never go to plan.
Sometimes you have to work hard for things.
Sometimes, you have to make your own luck.
That's just the way it is sometimes.
Thing's can be tough, and at times we get taken over by that overwhelming, dissrupting feeling known as stress.
Sometimes it makes us argue.
Sometimes it puts us in a horrible mood.
But we have to overcome it where possible.
Pain is another feeling that can control you.
Control everything you do.
Sometimes you can beat it.
But only sometimes...

Home sweet home.

Here I am, back at home. Back in the all so familiar surroundings of people and places. Thinking about good things to write about and consider. I have decided recently though that I will be starting a novel. It will take years to finalize but i have decided it is something i have always thought i would like to do. So here it goes. Time to jot down some ideas to write about...

That little spec of hope..

When that feeling takes over your body, your thoughts and your head, that feeeling that lifts your mood and puts that smile on your face, that's what hope is. That's the feeling that makes everything seem that it is going to get better. That things are going to be better. That is a good feeling isn't it. Everybody loves that feeling. The one that makes you nervous and edgy yet happy and excited. That's how I'm feeling right this second. Things can get better, Things can change for the good.

A down pour that stopped everything.

I was sat here earlier, watching nothing but the terrential rain pour hammer off the rooftops outside. It suddenly got dark, a grey, dull overcast, then along came the sound of thunder. I couldn't hear anything else but that. Yet it was still muggy and warem in my flat.
All the clouds were clearly outlined and I watched the rain pour off the roof gutter like a waterfall. Actually, it looked quite pretty, I've always like the rain. Only when i have the free time to sit or stand in it though. Not particularly a fan when I have to rush to work in it.  Who is?
I must have been sat there for a good twenty minutes. It was like a huge distraction. All my stressfull thoughts stopped. And my eyes were only focused on one thing. Losing myself for twenty mins and not having to think about anything.

I want to see the world.

Travelling the world is the plan I have had in mind since I was little. Finish university, work hard for a year, then set off to see places. Starting with France, and eventually moving on to Italy. To see the views, to see the fashion's, the people, taste the cuisine. Yep. That's the aim. I just hope it comes around sooner rather than later. . .

Home sweet home, away from home.

So I have just walked in from work. It's been busy, I spent it with two of my fav girlies, we had a fish suicide attempt, and it's been raining non stop all day. I'm waiting for my food to be cooked and then to enjoy the company of Chaeli, some wine, and a bit of Harry Potter. A nice, relaxed and chilled evening, which seemed so far away at 9 am this morning. I have the day off tomorrow to enjoy, as I only have one of them a week. Hopefully the weather will be nicer too. I may go out and find somewhere to sit. Somewhere to read my book. Somewhere to lose myself.

Yeah, that sounds nice...

Missing home.

When you are sat on the Northern line everyday, and see the same people and the same shops and types of people wandering around Oxford circus, day in, day out, it makes me really miss home. My family, my dogs, my friends, my childhood familiarity, day after day I walked the same streets, saw the same people, and never once did I ever really get bored. It was my life. However, continuing the same routine six days a week to complete long shifts to earn the pennies to live here in London, makes me miss the comforts of home more and more each day...

That feeling that takes over everything you do and think..

Love is an all-consuming, all powerful, undying feeling that takes over everything you do and think. A soulmate is the person you share all of this with and would do anything for. Who knows what love is until it finds you. Or that right person finds you. We all love someone, but is it your soulmate? That's what you have to ask yourself, and are you theirs?
Happiness is what we all want to have, and sometimes, letting go and waiting will benifit you more. When we are old and grey, we hope to have lived a happy, healthy, successful life filled with joy, laughter and love. We hope for that anyway. I want to be married and have kids. I want to be a great mum and I want to be looked up to, who doesn't?

Are we ever ready for what life throws at us? Never. But I'm preparing myself...

Help Find Madeleine McCann!

The tragic dissappearance of the four year old Madeleine McCann is a story that has been an eye opener world wide. It was an announcement that shocked all and a story I always keep myself updated on. In the hope that she will be found one day, sooner rather than later. The most recent update being that an investigator by the name of Marcelino Italiano updating police that he believes young maddie was snatched by an Algarve based paedophile ring and was taken to America.
Italiano did state " I can't say how, but i have known these people and believe they can get away with anything." He informed how the ring was based in Faro and Albufeira , who had high level contacts in Portugal and also links in London.
" I know these people were involved and i have been told that Madeliene may well be in the US".
Italiano also mentioned how we was attacked twice before for trying to investigate. He says he will go to any extent to get this sick, twisted people exposed.





Sightings have been been reported in North Africa, Dubai, Canada, Tasmania and Europe.

This is an update of how Madeleine could look now -





My heart goes out the McCann family and I hope for the day Madeleine is returned safely to them. Hope your safe out there sweetie, we are all looking for you. <3

Is it believable ?

Sometimes throughout the day, I find myself blocking out the world and everything in it. The people out. The customers showing me their  dry, dirty feet out, my job out, and there I am in front of everyone, zoned out. Daydreaming and in another world. Another life. Wondering. Staring at people passing me by, as if it is in slow motion. Staring at their life of luxury that some of them lead.
Everyone puts a front on. They might be wearing Chanel lipstick and Vivienne Westwood shoes, but they are still normal, everyday people. They have times when they zone out too. When it goes beyond money and wealth, they have their problems and worries too, that seep through their clothes. Put a brave face on and smile. We are all capable of doing that. Alot of the time, we have to do that. Question is, is it always believable?

How do I get there ?

When you are sat on the tube, watching them black, dingy walls zoom past you, it seems dangerous yet exciting. Stopping for people to get on or leave. All en route to their destinations. Tapping in and out with their oyster, to trudge up in single files towards the streets and out into the daylight. As if everyone has forgotten what the outside world looks like. London City. It's like little hidden basements all with steps leading up to the doors opening on to the streets. Opening up to different places. Oxford Circus. Covent Garden. Kensington. All separate places according to the tube system, yet all within close walking distance to each other. Oxford circus being the part on london where everything is. History. Shops. Food places. The hustle and bustle of london all in one place. Contrasting to the doors opening to Covent Garden, where you step out on to historic cobbled streets to get to your desired destination. Shops, supermarkets, the theatre. That little italian resturant. And in the centre where entertainment for all takes place. The acts just trying to please everyone for the littlest amount of cash spare. Day in, day out. Bearing all sorts of fashions. Acrobats, Dancers, Magicians. All spectacular. Music, Laughter and hundreds of people in the audience. Taking up alot of space on them busy, cobbled streets. The sunlight beaming down and the pidgeons landing their feet on the curves between the cobbles. A scene of beauty. I want to make a mark on the world. I hope to be an inspiration with my writing . My perspectives on life and making the most out of the time we have. I walk the streets of covent garden and I feel overwhelmed with history and inspiration. I want to pass this on.

Everybody wants to be successfull.
Everyone wants to be respected.
Question is, how do I get there?